NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. It involves a series of exercises and strategies with which to look at and deal with life circumstances. The main idea is to identify one’s goals and move towards these goals with an effective and direct approach. Many exercises are utilized during this process, which have significant influence in moving towards goals.

Efforts to get attain one’s goals are often thwarted by the way in which we THINK about the goals; for instance, something as simple as putting your attention one what you DO want rather than what you DON’T want, is one key component of ideal goal-directed behavior. This is referred to as “motivation direction.” So, accordingly, putting your attention to what you DON’T want is an “away from orientation” and seems to be more effective for problem solving. In short, one main theme with NLP in terms of attaining goals is to identify goals to move TOWARD, and then identify potential barriers.

One thing that I have noticed when using NLP with my clients is that efforts can be thwarted when people have not had an opportunity to look at and understand some of their deep-rooted feelings and emotions and/or to build some baseline self-awareness. NLP is not a mechanism by which we disown or repress emotion; from my perspective it is most useful when one is (at least somewhat) aware of their “stuff”, so to speak, and no longer wants their “stuff” to have control over them. This refers to using NLP for any issues that are more complicated than simply for identifying a goal, such as starting a business for instance, which is less complicated than using NLP to treat a chronic history of depression. Can NLP help individuals who are depressed? Absolutely. But, again, it tends to have more of a sustained benefit for people who have already spent a little bit of time trying to understand how their patterns, perceptions, history and thinking styles contribute to a depressed mood. I have seen people who have never seen a therapist who wanted to address their long term “anger management or anxiety issues with NLP and all claimed that it worked great in the beginning, but started to lose its “edge” after a while. This makes sense and is easily dealt with when one goes through the first stage of identifying and becoming more self aware, BEFORE trying to confront unwanted feelings/behaviors with NLP exercises.

When using NLP for my clients, I assess with them first what their goals are. Most want to use NLP as a method of coaching to reach a particular goal they are striving for and most often these goals are career related. If we find that some self awareness is indicated before getting into the NLP-specific strategies, we set up a timeline. For instance, we  may allot 2-4 sessions working solely on understanding what is actually going on “beneath the surface,” so as to build some primary self-awareness, and then specify what the goals are for our NLP/coaching work together. In this way we consistently get the most out of our time together. Clients are given weekly tasks and sessions are structured and aimed at moving towards goals.

For more information on how NLP can help you, call Dr. Dardashti at 646-789-5113.

1. Talk to a friend. Having support during a hard time is often really overlooked. Some people isolate or withdraw because they feel so awful, but actually talking it out with someone and letting out your emotions is very healthy. If you feel like your friends just don’t get it, you might try talking to a guidance counselor at school.

2. Don’t catastrophize. Often when something like a break-up happens, we tend to have all sorts of catastrophic thoughts – like I’ll never feel this way again, or I’ll never find someone else, or other extreme types of thinking about either yourself or your future and this is just a downward spiral. Picture a stop sign and stop yourself from going there. If your friend were going through the same thing, you’d probably be able to realize and express to them that most of these fears are just that – fears – with no real basis in reality. Let yourself feel the feelings but don’t get lost in negative thinking.

3. Let yourself go through the emotions. Sometimes we think that if we let ourselves feel our emotions we’ll fall apart, but to avoid your feelings will just make them build up. Tell yourself that this is a very difficult time and that like most other things, it will pass. The key is not to avoid but not to dwell for weeks on end either.

4. After you’ve let yourself go through the motions, start thinking about ways to inspire and stimulate yourself. Get involved in a creative activity you’ve been interested in and let it be an outlet for you. If you are into being active, take a dance class. If you like to use your voice, take singing lessons! If you are interested in art – you get the picture. Engage yourself in things that make you feel alive and expressive.

5. Don’t rebound – after letting yourself go through the motions and then trying to find ways to enjoy yourself on your OWN, then start thinking about opening your heart to someone else. At this point its much more likely that a new relationship will be based on something real.

This question was on my mind a year and a half ago when I had several patients who talked at length with me about what the film brought up for them, not to mention numerous friends and family members. I finally decided to watch the first movie and found that, despite my assumptions that I would not buy into the hype, I really liked the movie. I began to think about what it was that was so alluring and came up with some ideas.

But I thought it would be most interesting to ask women of all ages how they felt about it and create a documentary regarding the phenomenon while look at it from a psychological, social-emotional level. So I hired a team of people and we did just that. We are currently applying the completed documentary to film festivals and will keep you posted on what happens; however, the basic themes that came up during the interview process will be summarized here in a series of blogs.

Feel free to email thoughts on each blog and they may be added to the site.

What does Twilight bring up for women?

Twilight appears to tap into a universal longing for a partner with whom one shares a deep, distinct connection. Through speaking to many women (both in session and for the documentary), it seemed that a major aspect that women yearn for in men is that he be accepting and attuned, while maintaining a sense of unpredictability and gently challenging her.  While reading or watching Twilight, many women reported that they experienced memories of first loves and a longing for the intensity of feelings associated with a first love experience. There was also a consistent draw to the the sexual tension between Edward and Bella and many women expressed their paradoxical feelings of appreciation for women’s sexual liberation while still nostalgic about a time when couples did not rush into sex, (thus lengthening the tension if you will). And we all know that by tension, we are also referring to most women’s favorite part of sex: foreplay.

Stay tuned for more of Into the Twilight Haze documentary blog…

This study has several interesting implications, one being the idea that if it is possible to synchronize heart rate through smiling and affection, perhaps there are other relationships that can be subtly if not profoundly influenced by feelings of connectedness.

We all know that the relationship between a mother and her infant is a truly special and unique one, but what if we had the possibility of affecting someone positively (even ever so subtly) on a physiological level just by smiling at them in the street? And then had a simultaneous benefit of a sublte physiological effect on ourselves if they smiled back?

This is not to say that we should only smile at others or be nice to each other for the possiblity of the physiological gains; however, it is indeed an added bonus to the positivity we put out when we are consciously kind with others…and perhaps increases through altruistic behaviors as well.

F.D.A. Panel to Consider Warnings for Artificial Food Colorings
WASHINGTON — After staunchly defending the safety of artificial food colorings, the federal government is for the first time publicly reassessing whether foods like Jell-O, Lucky Charms cereal and Minute Maid Lemonade should carry warnings that the bright artificial colorings in them worsen behavior problems like hyperactivity in some children.

I can tell you that, while the jury is still out on this topic, I have seen kids in whom the removal of artificial colorings vastly affected their behavior, and children in which symptoms were only mildly (positively) influenced or not at all. In my opinion, even if it does not change the hyperactive behavior, why not remove these UN-nutritious ingredients if at all possible?? Places like Whole Foods and Trader Joes refuse to sell foods with artificial colorings and you can find a myriad of treats to replace ones that include these substances.

DBT treatment involves four major modules: Core Mindfulness Skills, Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills, Emotion Regulation Skills, and Distress Tolerance Skills. It also involves phone coaching and a significant amount of homework, where patients are told to fill out sheets and actually practice particular skills.

Since its inception, DBT has been shown to be effective for a variety of conditions, ranging from depression, to substance abuse, to anger management. It has also been extremely beneficial for those who want some help with regulating their emotions and/or increasing their repertoire of coping skills for life circumstances. I have found an integration of CBT and DBT with an underlying psychodynamic model of conceptualization to be very beneficial for my patients. One thing that I find to be of universal benefit to almost everyone is the incorporation of Mindfulness. Awareness is probably the foundation of and the single most critical ingredient in making changes in one’s life. Mindfulness boosts the process of becoming more aware of oneself tenfold. What’s better is that most people can do it and find that it has life changing consequences for them.

However, anxiety manifests in different ways for different people. For example, for one person it may influence their social life the most, while in another it may have more of a somatic presentation (i.e. different uncomfortable physical sensations). By helping clients to become aware of the meaning of their particular constellation of anxiety symptoms, Dr. D has helped many people to have more insight into their "symptoms." This unfolds as a different way of understanding "symptoms," and is a process that integrates the use of exploration in conjunction with helpful strategies to feel whole and, simply put, to feel better.

Many people think that they cannot "control" their anxiety (or anxiety attacks) and that it is a problem they are going to have to live with for the rest of their lives. This could not be farther from the truth. Though there are some people who may continue to struggle with their tendency towards anxiety, many people can and do move past the symptoms of anxiety disorders and have the opportunity of creating a much better quality of life. Dr. D has had success with many patients in just 3 months of treatment.

Treatment usually consists of identifying core beliefs about oneself and the world, automatic thoughts, cognitive distortions, and the cycle of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Afterwards, patients are helped to understand the impact of this cycle on their anxiety symptoms and are taught to implement successful strategies to overcome their symptoms.

The basic cycle involves thoughts, which lead to feelings, which lead to the behaviors that we choose. Usually, core beliefs and basic assumptions about the world are the foundation from which automatic thoughts and cognitive distortions develop over time. The core belief is the lens through which the person perceives all sorts of situations he/she is faced with and, therefore, his/her automatic thoughts follow these appraisals, thereby setting the stage for reactions (emotions, physiological experiences, and behaviors). Some of these behaviors may or may not include what is referred to as self-fulfilling prophecies, which basically refer to one experiencing that which one expected without the awareness that he/she inadvertently played a significant role in actually CREATING this outcome. Confused yet? This may all sound pretty confusing, but the bottom line is very positive: you can make a difference in how you think, feel, and behave.

Accordingly, in relationships what each partner brings to the table (as far as core beliefs about self, world, and others, automatic thinking styles, perceptual patterns, family of origin histories, etc) create a dynamic interflow of perceptions and assumptions between partners. Often, these perceptions and assumptions can create problems, especially when they are based on faulty thinking or cognitive distortions (which we all have from time to time). It is important to cultivate compassion and clear communication in relationships in order to create and maintain awareness of what each person’s role is when there are difficulties encountered. The issue is not whether we argue in relationships; in fact, it would be unusual if a couple never argued. Rather, it is how we communicate during/after arguments and how we can use this in a way to prevent similar themes from recurring. Most couples find that they get stuck when they have those recurring arguments that don’t seem to go anywhere and never seem to get solved.

Entering therapy when problems first start to be noticed is a great way to “nip issues in the bud” before they become recurrent and troublesome. thereby improving mood and control over behaviors.

Core beliefs and basic assumptions about the world are the foundation from which faulty thinking and cognitive distortions develop over time. For example, an anxious patient may have a core belief about him/herself as being bad, inadequate, and/or defective. This individual may also think that other people are superior and critical. The core belief is the lens through which the person perceives all sorts of situations he/she is faced with and, therefore, his/her automatic thoughts follow these appraisals, thereby setting the stage for reactions (emotions, physiological experiences, and behaviors).

Food elimination diet and in some cases a food sensitivity test may be very useful in determining whether certain foods may be contributing the cluster of symptoms labeled as ADHD. This does not, however, minimize the importance of learning new skills and strategies to deal with the issues that are often inherent with ADHD – such as organization and ability to sustain attention. ADHD should be approached in a multi-faceted way and in my experience, has had a high success rate when people are willing to address the different layers. Often times, the use of certain vitamins, minerals, and amino acids that one may be deficient (or even borderline deficient) in can dramatically influence the treatment.